Friday, October 15, 2010
Pag yan di pa tumama, iiyak na talaga ako. huhuhu... Ewan ko ba kung bakit ako naiiyak or parang pinanghihinaan ng loob ngayon. Nakakainis! Alam ko naman kung ano sakit ko-- KATAMARAN! Eh, ano ba kasi talaga gamot dito?!
Oo na di nga ako kasing sipag ng iba, o kasing tiyaga nila. Pero nag eeffort naman ako eh, sana nakikita nila yun. Yun ang nakakasama ng loob, yung di ka naaappreciate. Ok naman na walang 'thank you', basta makita ko lang na nakikita mo ang effort ko.
Lagi na lang ganito eh. Same old brand new?! Kayo din naman nag aalis saken sa scene. Tapos ano? mas nakikita niyo na yung iba? Then binalewala na yung effort ko?
Siguro kaya kayo ganyan saken kasi 'first impression' niyo wala akong alam. Na 'di ako magaling. Sana malaman niyo naman na 'it worth a second try'. I accepted all my mistakes. And I'm trying to correct all of them. Sana naman nakikita niyo.
Buti pa nung elementary ako, lagi akong nasa top 5. Minsan top 3, top 2 at naging top 1 na rin. Palaging kabilang sa mga highest sa quizzes, exams at projects. Kahit gaano ako katahimik nung bata pa ako, nakikita pa rin ng mga teachers ko yung effort ko sa pag-aaral. Alam nila na may potensyal akong estudyante. Hindi naman kasi ako pala-recite or palataas ang kamay during recitation. Lagi lang akong pinipilit mag recite, buti na lang alam ko palagi sagot. I worked on my own, alam ng kuya ko yan kasi lagi niya akong pinagdadamutan ng nalalaman niya. So, nagsumikap ako to study on my own. Walang tutor kahit kanino, always reading books and notes. At pag may exam nagrereview bago matulog. Never akong nag cheat, di tulad ng mga katabi ko na may mga kodigo. At ako pa ang kinokopyahan nila. 'Pag 'di ko alam ang sagot, i leave it blank like what my teacher told us.
Nung nag high school ako, thankful pa rin ako kasi nakakasama pa rin ako sa top 5. First year top 3 ako. Second year...hmmm... nawala ako sa top 10, kasi nilipat ako sa section 1 ng main from section 1 ng annex. Siguro nanibago ako sa mga lessons, at na involved kasi ako nun sa lovelife? hehe... siguro nga, dahil dun napabayaan ko studies ko. Then, third year pumasok na ako sa top, top 10! May medal pa ako nun. har har! At nung fourth year, nagulat talaga ako, kasi hindi ko akalain o wala sa aking hinuha na papasok uli ako sa top 5, top 5 ako! yipee! At tinawag nila akong ‘silent killer’ kasi tahimik naman ako at minsan lang mag recite. Hindi daw nila inisip na magigi akong isa sa dapat nilang katakutan. Wohaha! Anong malay ko? Basta ako ay nag-aaral lang ng mabuti at hindi nandadaya! I graduated high school with flying colors, 3rd honorable mention! Wala lang, proud lang naman ako. And during the graduation proper, nasa harapan kame. 'Di ba at least di lang ako yung naging masaya nun, pati mga parents ko. Sobrang saya ko kasi proud sila saken and proud din ako sa kanila kasi pinag-aral nila ako at di nila ako pinabayaan. Then, college na. Wala mang top top nun, nakaka experience naman ako na ma exempt sa mga exams. Active kasi ako sa mga extra curicular. At sa major subject namin, which is Programming 101, na exempt ako sa finals. Kasi daw sa last exam namin, ako lang yung nakasagot sa programming part, kung saan isusulat mo yung code ng program na pinapagawa. Madali lang naman din kasi yun, di ko alam kung bakit di nila nasagutan. Mga grades ko di umaabot sa 2.75. Ay! umabot na pala, sa polscie ko. Kasi naman, strict yung prof namen dun, graduated siya ng law. Ayun, siguro nga di ako magaling sa mga law na yan, and i'm thankful! Kasi wala pala akong future sa politics, hehe... Then, habang tumatagal yata eh bumabaliktad ang mundo para saken. Sa sarili kong interpretasyon, kapag ako ay na iinvolve sa maka-pusong sitwasyon napapabayaan ko ng di ko nalalaman ang studies ko. Hayst! First boyfriend ko ay nung 2nd year ko sa kolehiyo. Kumplikado eh, kasi kabrebreak niya lang sa ex niya nun. Tapos sabi niya minahal din naman niya ako, pero ang lumalabas pa rin talaga ay nagi akong panakip-butas. Masakit? Unang sakit kamo. Unang nobyo, kumplikado agad. hayssst uli. Balik uli sa studies ang lola mo. At dahil nga napabayaan ko na studies ko, nahihirapan na’kong ibalik uli yung mga dati kong marka. Nagsimula nang makatanggap ako ng grade na 2.5 sa Business Math. Nakow po! Favorite ko pa naman ang math, di ko talaga matanggap na iyon pa ang napabayaan ko. Then, before mag tapos ang 1st sem, may nakilala ako na muling nagpatibok ng aking puso. Ayan nanaman ang lola mo inspired nanaman. 3rd year to 1st sem of 4th year, inspired ako. Kaso nung start na ng Thesis namin, etong si tutut kong boyfriend naman nagdrama ng cool-off. Adik lang eh, panira ng moment! Kung kelan kailangan ko ng inspirasyon, kung kelan naka isang taon at kalahati na kame sa relasyon namen saka naman naguluhan. Aba ewan ko sa kanya, edi yun pinagbigyan ko. Baka umiyak eh. (Actually ako yung iyak ng iyak nun) Sige, start na ng Thesis. Haay, sa halip na nag-aaral na ako ng business namen, ayun naghahanap ako ng bagong inspirasyon. Oo na! nanlalake na nga tawag dun! Eh, wola lang, nasanay kasi ako na may ka-sweetness, kaya hinahanap-hanap ko. At nahanap ko naman sa iba, kaso sablay lang sa height. Napabayaan ko thesis namin nun, kaya ang grade ng thesis namen sa 1st sem ay 3. Isang lumalagapak na TRES! Putres na mga lalake kayo! After 1 month nakipagbalikan si tutut, eh anong magagawa ko mas matimbang pa rin siya eh. So, go! Tumaas naman grade namin sa final thesis. Kaso di pa rin nabawi eh, 3 pa rin. Haay! Buti na lang di ako nag-apply ng cum laude nun, kasi di rin pala ako aaprubahan, at may 3 pala kameng grado. Kasi nung finals na namen nalaman mga grades dun. Ayun, baliktad na nga. Siguro nga umiral saken puso hindi utak. Kaya nga ng muling tumibok ang puso ko, si puso na nga talaga ang sinunod ko. Before graduation, nakilala ko ang husband ko na ngayon. Despite of the 3 years na pagsasama namen ng bf ko that time, pinili ko pa rin si husband ko na ngayon na kailan ko lang nakilala. Iyon ang tinitibok ng puso ko eh, sasayangin ko pa ba? And minsan na akong iniwan nitong isa, malamang mang-iiwan uli yun. And sinigurado ko na kung ano talaga ang nasa puso ko. At simula nun puro si puso na lang, nakalimutan na si utak.
O teka, nalihis na’ko sa drama ko. Ayun, basta… Nasanay siguro ako na lagi akong nabibigyan ng atensyon ng mga teachers ko at professors. At base sa kinuwento ko, ako naman pala may kasalanan. Well, kung di pa ako magkwekwento sa blog na ito, di ko malalaman na ako! Ahuhuhu! Lalo akong naiiyak. It’s so kalungkotness… Pero wala naman akong dapat na pagsisihan. Siguro kailangan ko lang talaga tanggapin na ‘hindi lahat ng bagay na gusto mo ay para sa iyo’ at ‘hindi habambuhay kang nasa itaas, wala ka namang ibang pupuntahan kundi pababa’. Kaya nga, lahat ng bagay pinaghihirapan bago ito makuha, pero may time talaga na hindi para sa iyo iyon, kaya siguro better luck next time or better luck on another.
--Cut! It's a wrap!
Thanks derek!
--Cut! It's a wrap!
Thanks derek!
Thursday, October 14, 2010
Me, a mother at the age of 22.
'Real Life' Young mommy
What was your situation when you had your first baby? Were you happy/scared/anxious about becoming a mom?
I was not yet married when I got pregnant, but I’m already working. My boyfriend and I were having a 4 months relationship and we are happy. We do not plan to get married yet, but when our parents found out, they planned a wedding for us. And that was good because they are very supportive. Of course, knowing that you bear another human being inside your womb is an amazing and a wonderful feeling. Scared? At first, because we are not married yet and we didn’t know how to tell our parents. Anxious? Hmmm… a little bit, maybe because it’s my first time, and there are things happened that you couldn’t really explain. But the true feeling of becoming a mother is unexplainable. I don’t know how happy I am that time because the thing that I’m dreaming and expecting to come in 5 or 10 years, God gave it to me too much earlier. That’s why I called this a blessing. ^_^
What was your reaction when you found out you were pregnant? Was your partner supportive of your decision? Was your family supportive of your decision?
Actually it was my boyfriend (husband now) who first noticed the signs. He frequently asked me how I feel, am I dizzy or does my head aches, do I vomit…etc… It was a month ago since I have my last menstruation, and I started wondering when it was more than 40 days since I haven’t had my menstruation. I search the internet about the signs and symptoms of being pregnant, and found out that most of the results were happening in me. He was starting to apply for a job that time and to avoid adding to his burdens, I convinced myself that I’m not pregnant and I’m just stressed that’s why I encountered such signs. But sooner, I realized that I think I must take this seriously before I regret this. So, I tried to take that PT and I couldn't believe my eyes when that little pink plus sign came up! The first thing that came to my mind was to tell my mother, because we are the same woman. But fear comes to me first so I’d better told it to my boyfriend. He was not surprised because he was wondering about this since. Well, he is supportive. But in times that I get emotional too much, I don’t know if he already thought of leaving me, or is it one of the mood swing of being pregnant. There are times that we‘re having a hard time because of our family’s status. But in the end, we managed to get over the worst situation. We decided to hide this matter to our parents and friends until they just noticed it. My parents and his parents found out when I’m 4 to 5 months pregnant. In my side, my mother found out on her own because she noticed the changes in my body. And after that, we planned the wedding and get married after a month. They were supportive but I know that they were shocked because they did not expect this will happen to me in an earlier stage of my life.
What would be the biggest piece of advice you would give to other young moms?
First, take care of yourself. That includes physically, emotionally, and mentally. Don’t ever try or think of aborting your own child, you might regret it your whole life. Get as much education as you possibly can even if you are past the formal schooling stage; make sure you stay educated about what's going on in the world so you can make informed decisions about things. Eventually, everything will trickle down and affect you/your family/your child at some point. Physically and emotionally, if you aren't healthy you can't take care of your family. If there is a concern, get help! There is absolutely nothing wrong with that and there are professionals in many different fields who are available to make sure you are alright so you can give the best care you can to your family. The second thing is to realize that now your baby and family come first before anything else. That's what being a mother means, and if you aren't ready for that-don't have babies!
Whats been the most difficult part of being pregnant? The best part?
The most difficult part was having a mood swing. During my pregnancy I became more emotional than when I am not. And I know it was a hard time to my husband. But he managed to understand me and act patiently until the day of my delivery. The best part was knowing that you will soon born a beautiful creation of God. An angel gifted for loving each other and soon you will love and will love you both.
Labels: mommy
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